A Positive Attitude

11Feb08

While I was battling cancer, a lot of people offered the advice that what I needed was a positive attitude. It didn’t take long until I found my hands curling into a fist whenever anyone started to spout this “wisdom.” A number of friends enthusiastically endorsed Dr. Christiane Northrup. Dr. Northrup advises women to “change the basic conditions of your life that lead to health problems.”

Just what are you suggesting, doctor? That I did something that made me get cancer???

That kind of advice isn’t empowering. It suggests that the ill aren’t just unfortunate. They’re guilty as well. Guilty of doing something that caused their illness. That’s not exactly what I call positive. Actually, it sounds rather medieval.

But now, almost six years after completing treatment, I’ve finally started looking at the whole positive attitude thing differently. I’m still no fan of Dr. Northrup at all. Because to me, it all sounds like, “You just have to look on the sunny side and you’ll be fine.” Certainly easy to say if you’re not standing in the shoes of a cancer patient.

No, my definition of having a positive attitude doesn’t involve smiling or thinking good thoughts. Instead, it’s about having a positive attitude about yourself. That your life is worth saving and living to its fullest. That you have something to contribute. That you are willing to do what it takes to get through this, even if that means being grumpy or rude, or sullen, or whatever. When it comes to fighting cancer, it really is a war. And, like they say, “All’s fair…”

People talke about cancer being a gift. Bull.

I’ve had more than one friend who’s battling cancer talk about feeling guilty about not being positive enough. That somehow they must avoid any negative thoughts. And that failing to do so is to invite doom into their lives. To tempt fate and ultimately cause their own demise.

The most empowering moment for me in my battle against cancer came a a low point, when I stood in the hallway of Dana-Farber Cancer Institute and shreiked obscenitites like a shrew at social workers (although I really wanted to be lambasting doctors.) I’ve also been sullen, stubborn, and blunt. No one was immune from my completely honest communication.

In the end, it looks like I’ve won. At least so far.

And you know what? Those same people who have been the objects of my rudeness and rage have since thanked me for teaching them how to be better caregivers. Better doctors. A more caring institute.

So, no, I’m not advocating random road rage. But sometimes being the wicked witch of the west can be more beneficial that trying to be little miss sunshine.

And that’s what I call positive.

Filed under: Uncategorized   |  Leave a Comment